Reflection is Remedy

This is my favorite love story; it beats all the Disney classics, all the Bollywood films, and all the typical chick flicks and Hollywood romances.  This is what I call Real love:

“Once in a Muslim kingdom, a man was in love with the region’s princess. He was handsome and worked in the ruler’s palace. Somehow he managed to relay his message of love to the princess. Having already heard praises of his beauty, she fell in love with him as well. Through a liaison, they would exchange messages, sharing their feelings of mutual affection. However, they could not find any way to meet inside the palace. Eventually, the princess thought of a plan. She sent a message to her beloved telling him that her father greatly respected pious people. She suggested that if her beloved were to leave his job, live on the outskirts of town, and engage himself in piety and worship for some time until he gained popularity, then she would be able to go out and meet him without restraints. He did as she suggested and settled near the edge of town. He then adopted the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) as his way of life and became occupied in remembrance (dhikr) and contemplation (fikr) of Allah (SWT) day and night.

After a while, his piety became well-known among the people.  The princess had been waiting for this opportunity. She asked her father his permission to go see this holy man, making the excuse that she wanted to request his supplication (du’a). Arriving at his dwelling, she left the entire entourage outside and went in alone. When her previous admirer saw her, he said, Sister, please go outside. How did you enter without permission?  The princess reminded him that she was the same one whose beauty had enchanted him and whom he had desperately ached to meet.  She had come to see him so that they could finally meet and have this golden opportunity to be alone together. He turned his head away from her and said, Sister, that time has gone. I had chosen this life of piety in the hope of meeting you. But now my heart abounds with the love of the True King. I desire not to even look in your direction.

Excerpt from Love for Allah, by Shaykh Zulfiqar Ahmad, translated by Kamaluddin Ahmed

Yes.  This story changed my life and continues to aid me throughout.  I love this story so much that I wrote two articles about it for my MSA’s newsletter.  The second article was mainly about the methods of achieving this love from the book itself, Love for Allah (My favorite Islamic book).  I think it’s amazing how the boy’s life was so transformed that he was able to forget the girl and have absolutely no regrets.  SubhanAllah-Glory be to God.  He even started his journey to become pious with the wrong intentions.  The power of isolation and dhikr overcame him and purified his heart.

And those who believe have intense Love for Allah (Qur’an 2:165).

Whenever I begin to teach a class at my mosque, I always read this story.  I try to remove years of indoctrination of fake love due to Indian movies and the media in general.  I know how young teenagers think.  And I want to tell them what REAL love is.  I want them to know that if they have intense love for Allah, then it is harder to be distressed over worldly love.  Genuine love consumes superficial love, and that is what God’s love did for the young boy’s heart.  It cleansed him of his attachment and replaced it with most fulfilling Love ever.  The reaction from the students to the story is always interesting some of the girls actually get sad; they feel sorry for the young woman!  Others are just shocked and amazed.  The ending of the story is unique and unexpected.

On the topic of fake love and Indian movies:

There was a time when I was obsessed with Indian movies.  My family and I used to watch them every week one, two, or even three.  Honestly, my family is pretty Americanized, so it was my uncle who introduced the Indian Movie to us.  We were at his house one day, and he played Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.  I don’t know how it happened, but my brother and I got hooked.  We carried on my uncle’s legacy in our house, with the enthusiasm and willingness of my parents.  Whenever my family looks back at this phase in our life, we laugh and acknowledge how ignorant and crazy we were.  We haven’t seen an Indian movie since maybe five-six years ago.  A lot of the reason for this is me.  I will explain. :)

We used to go to the Selden House of Spice (an Indo-Pak grocery near our mosque) every week to rent movies.  Friday night we would sit in the family room and just kill time with our beloved movies.  We would be so excited to eat dinner and just sit and stare at the screen.  I still remember the opening lines of a lot of movies advertising EROS International.

Now I’m the kind of person who likes to analyze and dissect movies.  I can’t just watch it for entertainment; I can sit for hours after watching a movie and think about the plot, the characters, the scenes, everything.  OK, so there was this one movie that made me really upset.  I forget the name of it but I can still relate the plot:  A girl had fallen in love with a poor guy, and he reciprocated the love.  They got stranded on an island and there is a really beautiful song in which they realize that they both feel the same way about each other.  The guy helps the girl to survive until the girl’s dad discovers them on the island.  The dad realizes that his daughter is in love and tries to stop this by hiring an agent to kill the boy.  The agent chases the young boy in his car off a bridge where the boy falls into the water, hits his head against a rock, and falls to the bottom.  Later on the boy’s body is nowhere to be found.  The young boy’s family is very poor so now they have to struggle even more without financial help from the young boy.  The young boy’s younger brother is devastated without his older brother.

Distraught and depressed, the girl moves to Europe to live with her cousin.  Her cousin tries to make her move on but she has a hard time.  One day they both go to a club where the girl meets the star of the club who happens to look exactly (go figure) like the young boy back in India who died.  The movie continues on and eventually the young boy-look alike and the girl go back to India, figure out who killed her first love and put them in jail, and then she ends up marrying the young boy look-alike.  I don’t know why but this movie really repulsed me.  I was so upset, how can she expect the European guy to replace the Indian guy she knew in the beginning?  They had dramatically different personalities and lifestyles (poverty vs wealth, Europe vs India).  As stupid as it sounds, I was sad about this movie for about 3-4 days after seeing it.  I still lamented the death of the first guy.  My Indian friend in junior high laughed at me.  She said, but the same actor came back to play the second guy.  But to me, the first guy was DEAD.  GONE.  The boy with a sincere heart, the one who came from a poor, humble family.  Again, at that time I couldn’t watch a movie for entertainment; I watched it and entered the movie itself.  This was when I realized that Indian movies were having an effect on my heart-a purely negative one.  Now, Alhamdulilah, I watch movies for entertainment and waste a lot less time contemplating it.  In fact, I don’t even enjoy watching movies that much, I feel like it wastes my time.

Anyway, after this movie I started witnessing sooo many other flaws of Indian movies: how almost all the love stories are superficial and shallow, how the women always seem to be dancing to entice men, how the stars always have a certain shade of skin and belong to a certain class of India’s society, how the beauty and physical attractiveness of a woman is always on focus on the camera, how all the plots seem to be the same, how long the movies are, how often the love stories contain a really old guy and a young (18-25 year-old) woman, how the same main and beloved character to many was committing (what was to me) minor zina (fornication) with a different woman for each of his movies.  I began to feel uncomfortable watching these movies with my dad and brother.  I felt disgusting.  Then I noticed how Indian movies display a fake side of Indian society; India is not a rich country.  Why is it that at least one of the two main characters always live in an exotic mansion?  Bollywood is a multi-millionaire corporation.  What are they doing to elevate the poor?  What upset me the most, however, was the degradation of women.  Why was their beauty and wealth emphasized and glorified over their intellect and piety?  Why is their success based solely on their marriage and love status?  Why is there such a strong emphasis on love?  WHY ARE ALL THE MOVIES ABOUT LOVE?  Why should I waste time watching other people commit zina with their eyes, words, and sometimes even limbs if doing this in real life for me is forbidden?  What’s the point of watching something that I can’t do?  THERE IS NONE.

After Devdas and Yaadein I had had enough.  Devdas sickened me because the female protagonist used to practically worship her love five times a day, instead of praying to God five times a day.  Both of their lives are emotionally ruined because of what?  Love. Fake love.  Yaadein was just annoying.  Annoying, shallow, provocative, long.  I felt that the movies were spreading false ideas of love and attachment to people at a vulnerable age.  I had slowly developed a loathing towards Indian movies.  I harshly started to criticize them to my parents and my brother.  I told them to stop watching them.  At first they were annoyed, and then I don’t know how it happened, but I think I indoctrinated them.  Especially my brother and my dad.  I somehow influenced them to hate Indian movies and now when I myself have toned down a lot ..they will still refuse to watch one.  I think my brother has finally toned down as well.  But anyway, I used to blame the ills of society on Indian movies.  Too many problems among the Muslim youth?  I would say, It’s the Indian movies they’re corrupting the youth.  People not obeying their parents? It’s the Indian movies, the youth are being taught to obey their nafs.  My parents soon started answering in my place; they would nod their head, already knowing that I was going to start a lecture on the ills of Indian movies.

So eventually we ceased to watch Indian movies, and around this time a sisters halaqah had begun Friday nights at my mosque.  My mother and I would go there instead, and there was a boys youth group that took up my brothers spare Friday nights.

Now I am much more tolerant of Indian movies.  Over the past five years I have matured and I realize that there is good and bad in everything, and that I should take the good and leave the bad.  Movies don’t have such a harsh impact on my heart anymore.  Alhamdulilah.  And part of the reason is that I understand what love is.  Love exists only for God.  Love between a couple comes with God’s blessing after a sincere marriage.  Sure, two people can think they love each other before they get married, but (according to my mom) their affections only grow and solidify after marriage.  Most love before marriage is actually infatuation and lust.  And the only REAL, satisfying, and nourishing love out there is Love for Allah.  The love we have for our parents, spouses, and friends are in fact branches of Love for Allah.

Shaykh Zulfiqar termed the love for worldly things as Ishq Majazi (Metaphorical love) and the Love for Allah as Ishq Haqiqi (Real Love).  Personally, I think (and there are many scholars who also say this) that the strong bond of love one feels towards a person of the opposite gender is only a sign (an ayah) pointing to the kind of bond that can exist between Allah and His servant.  Remember, everything on earth is a sign of Allah’s existence and His Reality.  In the end, the bond of love joining God and servant is immensely more satisfying and consuming that any worldly love.  A worldly love Ishq Majazi is short-lived and unsatisfying.

The following passage from Love for Allah is a great description of Ishq Majazi:

Once a man saw a beautiful woman and exclaimed, I am in love with you and want only you!  In reply she said, My sister is coming behind me, and she is even prettier than me.  As the man turned to look back, the woman struck him on the head with her shoe saying, You liar!  If truly you loved me, then what need was there to look in any other direction?

As much as we may refuse to admit it, we are all like this man.  We may love something one day, but once we see something better, something more beautiful, something more interesting, we will be so quick to drop the first one.  It’s sad.  I would like to think that I am different, but unfortunately this is how the Nafs Al Ammarra is.  Only until we have attained the level of Nafs al-Mutmaina will we be able to stop desiring what is better.  Ultimately the only better being is Allah.  He is as Best as it gets.  And His Greatness and Beauty is unfathomable to us.  Alhamdulilah.

Wow I was feeling upset today and then about an hour later I received this e-mail from Ustadha Shamira:
It’s a beautiful and cute story. It makes one realize that there is wisdom behind every pain and suffering, although we may not see it.

Bismillah (In the Name of God)
A story is told about a King in Africa who had a close friend that he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) by remarking, “This is good, Allah Almighty knows best.”
One day the King and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the King. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the King fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, “This is good! Allah Almighty knows best.” To which the King replied, “No, this is NOT good!” He then ordered his soldiers to put his friend into jail.

About a year later, the King was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured the King and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.

As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the King was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who was less than whole. So after untying the King, they chased him out of the village. When the King reached his Palace, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend.

“You were right,” the King said, “It was good that my thumb was blown off.” And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. “I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this.”
“No” his friend replied, “This is good Allah Almighty knows best.”
“What do you mean, this is good! How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?”
The King’s friend replied: “Remember that the Almighty knows best and if I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you on that hunting trip.”

“He knows what is before them and what is behind them: And to Allah go back all questions (for decision).”
Qur’an: Surah Al Hajj 22:76

Do Not Judge Things or Events by its Immediate Outcome!
Although the decisions of Allah Ta’alah (God Most High) may seem harsh to us, they are full of wisdom.

Source: Qisas.com

There is nothing like the experience of sitting at the knees of a learned person. There is no bond as spiritually satisfying as the bond between student and teacher.

What teachers do you remember the most in life? Whether it is a religious school, public school, or college… we remember the teachers we bonded with the most, the teachers who astounded us with their knowledge, the teachers who we got the chance to share a reciprocation of interests.

Many people go to Islamic conferences, one day Islamic events, or a 1-2 hours lecture only to find themselves returning to their normal selves and mundane routines after a few days have passed. How can we maintain this ‘Iman (faith) rush’? Sure, you can start a halaqah*, sure, you can listen to online and CD lectures every day in your spare time. But to have a personal, qualified mentor is a whole other experience by itself.

A mentor is more than a teacher: he/she is like your guide, counselor, friend, confidante, adviser…the list goes on. Your mentor understands your personality; you can joke around with him/her, eat with him/her, spend time sitting together in silence, and during times of fun. All the while you are gaining from him: from his silence you gain from him, from his eating habits you gain from him, from his worldly speech you gain from him, and from his religious speech you gain from him. Shaykh Zulfiqar once wrote (paraphrased by me) that piety moves around in the room like the breeze does in the environment. Just sitting amongst the righteous is enough to soften your heart.

Alhamdulilah I had such a mentor when I was in high school. Without her I would not be the person that I am today. Although I did not wear hijab in high school, there are times when I wonder about how strong my iman was in high school compared to my current state in university (I cover now). Hijab is just one amongst many tangible items that are fard (mandatory) but do not automatically bring us closer to God. A person can wear anything on the outside to proclaim his/her solidarity with Muslims, but only God knows what is in a person’s heart. There is an infinite list of intangible items, however, that are FARD but people do not emphasize because it is not visible: hayah (modesty, shyness, humility), generosity, taqwa, god-fearingness, etc. Just because one covers her hair does not automatically place her above those who don’t. People overemphasize outer hijab and de-emphasize the hijab within.

Anyway, back to my reflection on my mentor.

Her name started with the letter “F”. She has left many profound and beautiful memories with me that I will never forget. Whenever anyone brings up her name in my mosque, all those who knew her will pause to reflect. They remember how much she invigorated the sisters and the youth of my masjid to return back on the path of God.

She used to hold halaqahs Friday nights at my mosque for about 3 years. I was in high school. However she knew me since I was in elementary school because she was my teacher and one of my mom’s best friends. She saw me grow from a child at age 10 into a young woman at age 18. She knew my personality, my likes, and my dislikes. Her beautiful lectures would often bring tears to the listeners and there was not a Friday that passed when my heart was not stirred due to her speech.

Her presence is greatly missed. Since she has left, my mosque is clearly missing a beautiful light-giving lamp. It’s not the same anymore. I feel a bit empty…and alone when I visit the mosque. When I used to see her, my whole demeanor would change. I would become happy and pleased. I felt refreshed after just sitting next to her. She spoke so beautifully and with sincerity. Sometimes she would pause; sometimes a tear would fall down her cheek.

Right now she is living in the Middle East, and I haven’t been doing a good job of keeping in touch. InshAllah I will change that.

Of course there are many other scholars who have had an impact on my life. But there is nothing like having a personal teacher…one to whom you can share your innermost thoughts one who knows your personality one who you can reach out and touch and give a hug of appreciation. (Yes, sisters do get jealous when brothers get to bond with male scholars).

This is why people desire to have religious/spiritual teachers. Every article of speech that comes out of their mouths is a like a diamond of wisdom that only foolish people will cast aside. This is one reason people pledge to become students of a certain Shaykh (learned elder and scholar); they hope to embody the knowledge, inner states, and sincerity of the shaykh. These shaykhs have chains of Ijazas (permissions to teach) in the areas of fiqh (law), Iman, and Ihsan (doing what is beautiful; perfection) from teacher to teacher leading back to the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). The Prophet himself (pbuh) was the first and best teacher.

May God grant a mentor to all those who seek one. May God grant them a mentor who will guide them on the correct path…the path that leads to the perfect emulation of the knowledge, sincerity, character, and inner reality of the best of all Shaykhs–the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Ameen.

*halaqah: literally means circle, but in this context it implies a group of people sitting together in order to gain knowledge.